That's when you crack a 10am beer
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
