Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
