I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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