It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
