he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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