Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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