The maid of honor just puked.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
