Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
