I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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