exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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