There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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