And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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