I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
