its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
