So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
