And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
