Just fell off a train. Bad.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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