Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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