Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize