if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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