fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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