Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
