so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
