So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
