Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
