hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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