Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm too high and old for this...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
