its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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