WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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