she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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