I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize