You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
