I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize