did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
