Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
