fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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