it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
