my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
