The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
