i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
