We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
