He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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