Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
