So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
