yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
