my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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