i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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