he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
