the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
