the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
