i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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