He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
