Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
