i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She told me I should be a condom model.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
