toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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