his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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