hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
