my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Actions speak louder than pants.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
