And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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