Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
