I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I could fuck to npr.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
