She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
