Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
