Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
