Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
