Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize