I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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