I think I died a long time ago.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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