Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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