Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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