I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
