ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
