i think my tv is drunk
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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