My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
