So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
