She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Shame is for Republicans.
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