im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
