I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
