that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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