And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
