shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
