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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
