Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
