Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
