All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
