i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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