Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
