I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
