1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
