at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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