i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
