Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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