hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just gargled with NyQuil
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
